Maintaining Peace and Happiness in Your Relationship During the Holidays

It all seems so cliché… Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy New Year… blah, blah, blah. For the majority of Americans, the holidays have become more about consumerism and expectations of material reward rather than realizing the true spirit of what the holidays may represent in our heart and soul. Many of us seem to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of shopping, seeking out all the latest and greatest gadgets that the retail market has to offer. The holidays can be a wonderful time for family get-togethers, parties, traditions and customs, yet all the added stress and pressure can certainly take a toll on our personal relationships. The obligations of gift-giving and demands from our friends and families can greatly affect our mental, emotional and physical health.

During the holidays, we may feel torn with dividing time between families – especially if we are in a partnership and have different ideas on where to travel to, or who to invite over for dinner. Extended family dynamics can be trying on your relationship, as everyone brings their own set of values, expectations and unique personalities to the table. The more we stress out over all the little details and judge how others choose to live their lives, then the more negative energy we contribute to the mix. We can enjoy and celebrate diversity in honoring one another’s beliefs and practices. When we can let go of our expectations and trust that all is well no matter who or what shows up in our reality, then we are able to relax and enjoy whatever life offers.

It may be easier said than done to remain calm and in a peaceful state of joyous holiday cheer. With all the additional social functions, expenses, travel logistics and family dramas, the stress of dealing with it all can sometimes push us over the edge. We tend to take out our frustrations on those closest to us – usually our significant others who take the brunt of our inevitable holiday madness. During this time of enhanced activity and intense emotion, it can sometimes be a ‘make or break’ time in our relationships. Certain situations may bring us closer together or drive us apart.

Whenever we feel anxiety, stress or tension about whatever we’re observing or experiencing, just pause for a moment and try to count your proverbial blessings. We’ll have a much more positive experience when we strive to maintain an ‘attitude of gratitude’ and see the wonder and beauty in all things – even what we may not understand or agree with. When we spend our energy criticizing other people and situations, then we tend to draw more unpleasantness into our life. If we look for what we enjoy and appreciate about others, especially our significant others, our perspectives will begin to shift and we see them in a whole new light.

Consider giving the gift of experience rather than a tangible item. Happy and fun memories are much more meaningful than some store-bought thingamajig that we’ll forget about soon after. Plan an entertaining outing with your family or a night out on the town with your sweetie. Celebrate your companionship by doing something fun together; go to a concert, a play, a comedy show, out dancing, or whatever you may both enjoy. Taking time to nourish your personal relationships by spending quality time together is more beneficial than anything with a price tag.

“The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” ~Helen Keller

During your busy holiday schedule, make time to sexually reconnect with your significant other. Investing time and energy in your relationship may help make everything else in your life much easier and more joyful. If you do feel compelled to purchase a gift for your lover, make it something that you can both enjoy! Schedule time for deep intimate connection, lock the doors, turn off the phones and ‘deck your halls with balls of jolly’! Offer him a special gift bag labeled “To Us” so you can open together. You may include some fun personal products such as massage bodyglide gel with a handmade voucher good for a sensual massage. Treat him to a special personal experience with a ‘happy ending’. You may also want to include a couples sex toy, stimulation gel, perhaps some erotic media – whatever you can think of to spice up your intimacy. It may just bring a whole new meaning to your Oh… Oh… Oh Holy Night!

Allura Joy has worked with women of all ages and of diverse backgrounds for many years in offering support, holistic therapy and relationship counseling, as well as sharing valuable resources and useful information in the areas of women’s sexuality, health & wellness. Allura has facilitated various women’s groups, retreats, conferences and special events for women to come together in community to share, connect and support one another.

Allura also works with women individually to help resolve personal issues around relationships and intimacy, specializing in helping women who may have emotional and/or physical issues and insecurities with sexual expression and experiencing orgasm. She enjoys helping clients explore their passions in finding a sense of purpose and to manifest their dreams and desires. She is a certified Hypnotherapist, Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, Licensed Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor.

Vintage Adult Comics

As how they are obviously referred to, vintage adult comics are a reflection of ancient era or golden times. These are comics released in the 13th and 14th century and these days, they are difficult to get hold of. Other collectors aren’t just limiting themselves to the 1940-50′s collections, though. They follow until the 1970 releases of these comics.

Hundreds of comics were circulated in the golden age of magazines and literature. These materials were published using old kinds of papers. Vintage, as we hear of it, sounds valuable and rare. And yes, it definitely is rare to find some collections of books, magazines, comics or anything done five to seven decades ago.

The young adolescent and adult groups have let loose their inhibitions of browsing over these vintage adult comics that flaunt boldness, sexiness, sophistication and seventh heaven. The erotic side of life is presented in its creatively enticing manner through sexy pictures of women and passionate scenarios of couples in love and lust. There is no denying that men are continuous followers of these kinds of readable stuff. Sensual women are even getting open-minded to explore the so-called hobby but rarely do they declare such actuation.

As vintage comics like Batman, Flash Gordon, Superman, Green Lantern and Spiderman gained popularity back then, the emergence of vintage adult comics followed through their successes. Instead of heroic and funny themes, love and passion are usual concepts of the adult category of magazines and comics, that’s why they are for adults only. Thought not many people recognize it, comics are a serious business, too, just like movies, bars, Internet porn, among others.

Since the 1970′s, the worth of vintage adult comics has consistently multiplied due to their huge demand from investors and collectors. If you collect any of these vintage stuffs, you are likely to earn a good bit of dollars as they are usually appraised as valuable. It seems like a standard notion that if you own something vintage, you can benefit largely.

The approach employed in vintage adult comics is dependent on culture and lifestyle of a certain country it is being released. There are those that are too erotic that may not be appreciated by some. Basically, they’re identified to be of European, Japanese and American themes.

Vintage adult comics are usually of erotic conceptions and graphics, sometimes identified as artistic outputs of pornography. The sexuality of both men and women in the same setting is depicted as real as it can be to educate and stimulate the senses of the readers. Sensuality in a human being is but normal as long as it is done within grounds of matrimony. However, the world has accepted reality that bites, thus there isn’t any critical judgment aimed to those enjoying the art of making love out of marriage.

Surviving Holiday HELL – Self-Care Tips for Sexual Abuse Survivors During the Holiday Season

The aged old question of DO I STAY or DO I GO is one that survivors of sexual abuse are fretting over during the Holiday Season.

I’ve heard it said that the #1 cause of stress = CHOICES.

With that notion in mind, sexual abuse survivors have a vitally important CHOICE to make; to spend the holiday’s with extended family or not. Note that this choice is a very conflicted choice: DO I STAY or DO I GO is a recurring self-dialogue and dance with confusion us survivors of a crime engage in regularly but the dance gets more rigorous as we approach traditional family holidays.

Many vulnerable adults & kids are triggered by spending holidays with their perpetrator. Forced to dine, sleep under his/her roof, and even play flag football with said evil monger, with all that being said, the perpetrator could even hold the position as matriarch or patriarch of said extended family; no wonder why it’s a conflicted choice. In short, holiday time is a natural scenario of putting abused kids & vulnerable adults in an insular, submissive, silent and dis-empowered role.

Here are some useful tips to help decipher and answer, DO I STAY or DO I GO.

DO I STAY? – Engage in the “law of substitution” and substitute doing an activity instead of feeling isolated, lonely and missing out on the family holiday event if you decide to stay home:

Tip #1: Volunteer

a. Pick up holiday pies to deliver to veterans, retirement communities or orphanages. This way you are substituting being alone & isolated with being engaged in a beneficial activity. Set this up in advance, so that you have approval to do so & your day is structured & planned accordingly.

Tip #2: Pre-connect with a lifeline

a. Pre-select a study buddy, friend, colleague or group.

b. Ask them if it’s OK to phone, text or email you through the holiday so as to ward of the “loneliness” in order to stay connected with you. Set a 30 sec time limit for a connection call, connection text or connection emails.

Tip #3: Create new memories or traditions

a. Plan to volunteer in the morning, feed the homeless or if you play guitar, entertain hospital patients.

b. Eat a special holiday meal out at a pre-determined unique restaurant.

c. Do a special activity – go to the theatre, cinemas, bowling, park or beach.

DO I GO? – Here are some useful & practical tips to empower yourself before you head out to the holiday table if you decide to go:

Tip #1: Pre-select and memorize at least 3 Declarations/Mantras/Sayings/Quotes/Sanskrit/Mudras. Repeat it in an undertone or head to the bathroom, turn on the water faucet and say out loud several times.

a. Not my monkey, not my circus! (old polish proverb)

b. I am worth doing self-care today!

c. It’s none of my business what others think about me!

d. I have enough ‘bandwidth’ to take care of only me today!

e. I’m free to leave, without a hullabaloo, at any time!

f. I’m empowering myself to determine how long I want to stay here.

g. Finger Mudra = saa taa naa maa (Sanskrit) – Truth is my identity!

Do this finger mudra under the dining table – why you ask?

Guru Singh says “Index finger mudra stimulates the brain and imparts knowledge, expands our field of possibilities, and releases us from limitations.

Middle finger mudra stimulates the brain and imparts patience, wisdom and purity.

Ring finger mudra stimulates the brain and imparts vitality and vigor.

Little/pinky finger mudra stimulates the brain and aids clear communication.”

h. Or create your own personal empowerment statements.

Tip #2: Envision your surroundings before you go

a. Get familiar with your surroundings; especially if you’ve never been to this city or relatives home

b. Do Google map search – street view of where you are going.

c. Determine how close the nearest park, beach walk or bike path is, in the event you need a self-care break.

d. Yelp/Google any other “outside your family” events in the area: skating rink, bowling, theatre cinemas – this is a law of substitution quirky technique to implement if things are getting uncomfortable, suggest one of these additional outings, for yourself &/or guests.

Tip #3: Calculate, decide & pre-determine the Quantity &/or Quality you want during the Holiday – this will help you to be in control, stay in control, and not get to over consumption.

a. Decide upfront just how many alcohol drinks you’ll consume

b. Decide upfront how many slices of pie you’ll gobble down

c. Decide before the meal if you want to feel like a food coma set in after you eat the holiday meal

d. Decide which food helpings and how your food plate will look like.

As a survivor of sexual abuse, getting into inspired action, taking decisive action and making highly beneficial choices can help you survive and stay out of overwhelm during the stressful holiday season. Here’s to making choices that empower you so that you don’t find yourself in HOLIDAY HELL!

Science Supports the Need for Casual Sex Flirting

Casual sex movies make it all seem so easy. Two people meet up at a bar, share a quick drink, and then are seen passionately bouncing off hallway walls as they try to get each other’s clothes off. But is it really all so simple? And if it is, then why aren’t all bar room hallways bursting at the seams with horny hookups? The answer is…they’re not and the science behind attraction and a woman’s desire for casual sex gives a little insight into why.

In several studies, the original one conducted in 1989 and a follow-up one conducted more recently, both men and women were asked if they would have casual sex with a platonic friend – a friends with benefits arrangement – or if they would have casual sex with a complete stranger. In both studies it showed that men were more likely to agree to a quickie than their female counterpart. So if you are a man and want to get a more favorable response to the question, “Will you go to bed with me?” there are few basic things that you need to understand about the women who are most likely to say yes.

Whether you meet a potential partner through an adult online dating site, through a friend, or in a pub, the basics of getting that person to agree to a one night stand or no strings attached relationship include a little flirting. Yes, even with casual sex you need a little flirting.

Science has suggested two theories explaining what women look for. The first theory reaches back to our caveman roots and the evolutionary reasons for having sex – survival of the species. In this explanation the woman needs to be choosy about their hook up mate since they expect them to stick around to help change diapers and buy formula. They want a man they can depend on.

The second theory is one that we can better get our minds around when talking about casual sex and that is the Pleasure Theory. We are all hardwired to pursue pleasure. This is the type of wiring that you guys need to stand up and take notice of. Yes, woman will be more likely to say yes to a casual relationship when they perceive that they are going to get a little pleasure from it…or more likely, a lot of pleasure. Women want to orgasm and they will be more willing to give it a shot with a guy (or girl) that is likely to provide it.

So let’s put the two theories together and create a better mousetrap. Guys, if you want casual sex then you need to convince a woman that they can depend on you to give them an orgasm!

How is this done? Well, to discover that you may just want to follow me and get some advice on some good old fashioned flirting and seduction. That is something that never goes out of style no matter if it’s casual sex or true love sex that you are after.

Erotic Adult Lingerie For Women

Often women are so immersed in their outward appearance that they start neglecting what is within. This is the case with many of us women, who are interested in beautifying themselves from the very core, always pay special attention to their choice of under garments. Adult lingerie always had a great role to play in women’s lives.

Adult lingerie comes in a wide variety of sizes and shape. So whether you are a skinny sexy lass or a plus size with alluring curves you can easily choose your adult lingerie from this wide range of sizes. They also offer you to choose from a variety of designs and cuts.

Whereas some stick to your body like a wet swim suit, some may drape around your curves smoothly like a piece of cloth. Some of them are designed especially for special dresses to be worn by you in different occasions. For example you should wear a strapless bra with an off shoulder dress and similarly. Women of today know very well how important it is to match the under wear with your dress.

It is not just the color but also the design and cut of the dress that determine the kind of under wear that should be worn with it in order to look hot and sexy. The wrong underwear can ruin your effort of dressing up completely! So make sure you pick the right adult lingerie when you wear something out of the ordinary.

However, then you wear adult lingerie, you should be able to carry it out with perfect ease and confidence. If you are shy and uncomfortable wearing it, the lingerie alone can not make you the hot babe. But if you have the figure and are proud of it, wearing adult lingerie will only enhance the eroticism within you and nothing in this world can stop your partner from getting excited.

In fact, adult lingerie is one of the most effective tools to arouse excitement in your partner if things have just got stagnated for sometime. Kinky underwear and sexy bras can make him drool and bring back the passion that he had when he met you for the first time.

They can easily spice up your life in a unique way! So if you are one of those people, who still wear the old fashioned, ordinary, trashy undergarments all the time but are really eager to try out something new and exciting, then it is time for you to switch over to adult lingerie. They will not just change the way you look but also the ay you feel at present. They will rekindle the flame of eroticism in your life and help you to reinvent yourself in a very special way!

Can a Sex Instructional Video Help Improve Your Love Life?

Whether you’re young or old, rich or poor, sex is probably one of the most talked about, if not controversial, topics in the whole world. Everyone needs sex, not just for procreation, but for pleasure and strengthening of a relationship as well. You can’t talk about romantic love without including sex in the equation so if you’re currently in a relationship and you want to make your love story last, you should definitely start working on your sex life. But how do you start? Though you’ll find a lot of great ideas online on how you can spice up your love life, there is really only one way that can help you take your sex life up a notch. Want to know what a sex instructional video can do for your relationship? Then don’t hesitate to read on.

Assuming that you and your lover both have open minds towards this subject, a sex instructional video can do wonders for your relationship. But do bear in mind that this option isn’t for everyone. If you’ve just started dating, make sure to have an open discussion with your partner on how he or she feels about using this sort of videos. This way, you’ll be able to avoid causing offense or any awkward moments that may lead to future misunderstandings in the relationship.

Helps You Become A Better Lover

Sure a sex instructional video may not be a necessity in making a relationship work, but it can help you make it stronger. A sex instructional video can help you become a better lover as it can provide you with tips and techniques that will make every sexual encounter worthy to be remembered. From oral techniques to different sex positions, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself as the ultimate lover once you’re done watching the video.

Allows You To Open Your Line Of Communication

Another benefit that you can get from incorporating the sex instructional video into your bedroom routine is that you’ll get a much more open communication line between you and your partner. Just by watching the video together, you’ll feel much more comfortable expressing what you want sexually and your partner will be more open to tell you what he or she would like to try out. When used properly, a sex instructional video will be able to help you form a stronger bond emotionally and physically.

If you’re interested in purchasing sex instructional videos, there are a number of ways that you can easily get your hands on them. First off, check out what your local adult bookstores or sex shops have on offer. Although these shops usually have an extensive line up of different adult videos that you can choose from, make sure that you choose a sex instructional video and not just a porn flick. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of visiting these shops or you just don’t have the time, start your search online instead. The great thing about purchasing online is that you not only have access to a wide array of different titles, but you’ll also get to shop anonymously.

Holiday Sex Ideas!

The holiday season is the perfect time to spice things up sexually. Holidays bring couples together, and that closeness should be translated over to sexual intimacy as well. It’s a great time to have fun, try different things out, and become more sexually intimate than ever before. Here’s some ideas on how:

1. “Sexual desserts” – Holidays and food go hand and hand, and this can make an easy transition into incorporating food into your sexual play. There are many options for sexual desserts, such as whip cream, frostings, syrups, glazes, gel icings, cream pies, and much more. Don’t limit yourself and consulting a sex shop or a sex manual can open up new and erotic ways to practice sexual dessert play.

2. “Miss Clause have I been naughty?” – One of the most sexiest outfits a woman can wear during holiday intimacy is a very revealing, seductive, Santa Claus or Miss Clause costume or lingerie outfit. Buying your partner such an outfit can add a whole new world of eroticism and its perfect for the holiday season. The male can even dress up as Santa if he desires, and even another option for the female is a sexy elf outfit.

3. “Consulting the Manual” – An excellent way to explore the holiday season with all kinds of sexually intimate tips, tricks and ideas, is to consult a good lovemaking manual which will have hundreds of options you can choose from. This makes holiday sexual intimacy a no-brainer, as you can immediately consult the manual that day for a few ideas, then that same night spend a quiet holiday evening practicing some of the new intimate and erotic tricks!

Sex Instructional Videos – Watch and Learn!

Although it’s evident that people nowadays are educated in the matter of sex, there are still those who need a little bit of help in that department. Whether you’re just starting out to become sexually active, or you’re in a relationship with a dwindling sex life, sex instructional videos may just be the thing you need. Sex can become quite a sensual and pleasurable activity, as long as you know exactly what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Let sex instructional videos teach you a thing or two, and who knows? You might just discover as whole new side to you.

Sex instructional videos are great as it can help you spice up your bedroom routine with your lover. With different tips and techniques that you can learn from these videos, you’ll be able to become a better sexual partner. These videos can also help you let go of your inhibitions and your partner’s as well and teach you to be more confident in your own skin, no matter what body type you have. And because it’s highly recommended that you watch sex instructional videos with your lover, it can also possibly help strengthen the relationship.

You may be thinking, what makes sex instructional vids any different from porn videos? Though both videos will show people having sexual intercourse, you’ll actually learn something from instructional videos as it usually includes a narrative or a step by step guide. Whereas sex instructional videos aim to give you a better understanding of your body and how you can work it during sex, porn on the other hand will just show people having sex. If you think that sex is just like what you’ve seen on porn movies, you’ll be surprised to know that there is more to it than just the act itself. There’s foreplay, there’s romance and there are techniques that can help you make the whole act a mind blowing experience.

If you’re interested to know how you can your hands on sex instructional videos, you have a few choices. Depending on where you live and how your culture perceives sex, you might find it really easy or a bit challenging to acquire these videos. If you have an adult bookstore or a sex shop in your community, you can start your search there. You can also check stores that sell movies and DVDs and look for the adult section.

You can also look for online sites that sell sex instructional vids if you want to shop in the comforts of your own home. Although you’ll find a wide selection of different titles and types online, do take your time in choosing a video for you. Make sure that you check the production company and the description thoroughly if you don’t want to end up with cheap porn that was packaged as an instructional video. Look up reviews on which titles would be best suited for you. Don’t forget to ask your lover’s opinion on which titles to get so that you can come to a mutual agreement on what type of instructional video would best benefit you both.

How to Totally Satisfy Women Sexually – Leading Her Mind to the Greatest and Most Intense Sex Ever!

Men assume that if they do what turns them on that women will sexually respond the same way. This is WRONG and won’t work. Men and women are different. If you want different outcomes from your love making and hot sex, then you need to learn 3 great secrets!

1st Secret. Men and women have different hormones.

Many books have been written about this subject and many more will be written. A great man said, “if you do what you always do and expect different results, that is the first sign of insanity.”

Men assume that because they have testosterone that if they do what turns them on, it will also turn the woman on. How FALSE this concept is and will always be.

Ask your lady what’s going on today and then just let her talk. Don’t interrupt. Don’t tell her what to do or try to save her. Ask her how you can be there for her.

If you don’t believe this will work…try it tonight. If she faints, get 911 ready!

2nd Secret. Set the stage to be on stage.

After you do what I advise in #1, and it starts to work, like I know it will…start to set the stage. My question is what stage do you want to set: Sex or Love Making?

If you just want sex, then go for it for a few minutes and turn on the ball game. If you really want a sexual holiday and GRAND love making event, then mentally set the stage for this special event.

First, ask her about the time when she was turned on more than ever. Ask her what made her so turned on. Get her to talk about it. Notice how bright her eyes are and her body posture.

Now repeat the scenario as if it were happening there and now with you. Make it real.

You’ll either give her a no-touch orgasm or you’ll turn her into putty and she’ll be so wild in bed that you’ll have to go and buy another one.

3rd Secret. Change her mind and body forever.

Start to love her the way she wants to be loved. Wouldn’t you want that for yourself? Don’t you want someone to understand you and then fulfill your needs.

Once your lady believes that you are going to do this, she will change into the wild tomcat in bed that you’ve always wanted. Her emotions will cause such great heat that you won’t believe she’s the same woman.

She can totally outlast you in bed so you better learn all the secrets to long love making that you can. She’ll outlast you and then you’ll have to catch up to her. What a problem to have!

Now that you’ve learned how to mentally and emotionally turn her into your lover, now you need to learn how to please her physically! Learn all the sexual combinations she loves and you’ll do it!

Which Holiday Film Reveals How Office Affairs Begin?

Love is everywhere if you look for it, and Christmas is the time to make a magical leap to love. That’s the premise of the delightful holiday film from 2003, Love Actually, brought to life by a stellar British cast who fall in or out of love at Christmas.

There’s a dark side to this premise, which illustrates how office affairs start and can be prevented. Let’s explore the affair start up phase and how to protect your marriage from the threat of an office romance.

Office Affair Start Up:

Imagine a small London office, where a young secretary named Mia (Heike Makatsch) makes a play for her married boss named Harry (Alan Rickman). When Harry walks up to Mia’s work station, she starts her seduction by swiveling her chair toward him to give him a glimpse up her short skirt and spread legs. Harry notices, but is too guarded to go there.

As Harry gives Mia the assignment of planning their office Christmas party, he asks if she’ll bring her boyfriend.

“I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed,” Mia says, staring seductively at Harry long enough for her invitation to register.

Later Mia tells Harry about the venue she chose for their office party: “It’s an art gallery, full of dark corners, for doing… dark deeds.”

Their sexual tension mounts.

When Harry leaves the office to go Christmas shopping, Mia asks him to buy her a gift. “I don’t want something I need. I want something I want – something pretty.”

Harry grins, like he enjoys being manipulated by her provocative charms. You see why he’s vulnerable in the next scene as Harry goes Christmas shopping with his dutiful wife, Karen (Emma Thompson). She greets him with a chaste peck on the cheek. She dresses in mommy casual, totally devoid of sex appeal. We get a sense the romance is long gone or never was, when Karen almost catches her husband, Harry, buying a gold necklace for Mia:

Karen: Loitering around the jewelry section, I see!

Harry: No. I was just looking around.

Karen: Don’t worry, my expectations are not that high after 13 years of Mr. “Oh-but-you-always-LOVE-scarves”

My advice to Karen and all dutiful spouses: Low Expectations are not sexy. Lack of romantic fun makes partners restless for the excitement you deserve in a happy relationship.

The night of the Christmas Party, Karen wears a frumpy wife outfit, while Mia dresses like a red-hot satan capped off with sexy red horns in her headband. When Mia asks Harry to dance, their romantic chemistry is palpable. His wife notices and mentions it to him after the party.

Karen: Mia’s very pretty.

Harry: [nonchalantly but unconvincingly] Is she?

Karen: You know she is, darling. Be careful there.

As Karen gets ready for bed after the party, she even wears matronly underwear with zero sex appeal. Harry doesn’t bother to look at her as they get into bed. We can see why he’s lost sexual interest, even though Karen’s a caring mother and competent spouse.

Next we get a glimpse of Mia getting undressed, wearing sexy red lingerie and the gold necklace from Harry.

After the party, Karen can’t fall asleep, her eyes are now open to the real threat Mia poses in her marriage.

My advice to Karen and any spouse who’s stopped being playful, provocative and passionate with your partner:

Don’t be surprised that your lack of romantic sizzle douses sparks of attraction. Even if you’re a fabulous parent or provider, when you allow soulmates to become roommates, you’ve entered the danger zone in your marriage.

In a heartbreaking scene on Christmas Eve, Karen thinks she’s opening Harry’s gift of a gold necklace which she’d found in his pocket. When Karen opens a music cd instead of a gold necklace, she retreats to her bedroom with British reserve to have a private cry without upsetting Harry and their two children.

Karen waits till after the holiday to confront her husband about the necklace:

Karen: Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?

Harry: What position is that?

Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace, and come Christmas gave it to somebody else…

Harry: Oh, Karen…

Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it’s just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?

Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool!

Karen: [voice breaking] Yes, but you’ve also made a fool out of me, and you’ve made the life I lead foolish, too!

Why is this elegant confrontation so poignant?

It shows how each spouse can justify distractions that steal power from a marriage. At least Harry admits he was a classic fool to fall for a young woman who makes him feel sexy again. Karen still doesn’t see how making a top priority of motherhood and sacrificing passionate intimacy with Harry suffocates the romantic chemistry which is needed to keep marriages fresh and exciting.

Preventing an office affair:

What can couples do to protect your marriage from sexual temptations at the office?

Do the opposite of Harry and Karen. Make time each day to focus on each other and keep romance alive. Schedule a date night at least once a week when there’s no talk of kids or careers, duties or deadlines. Do something fun that you each enjoy on date night. Wear something sexy and exciting. Be playful and build sexual tension by suggesting what might happen at the end of your date, if you’re lucky. When you create a new habit of dating your mate, you create a foundation of fun that every couple wants and no one wants to throw away through an office affair.

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